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"I'm Not Only Filled With Hate"

5: 28 P.M. December 4th, 2004


People say I’m filled with hate

But that’s something I’m willing to debate

I know that hate is indeed a part-

But there’s also passion filled in my heart.

I know people judge my cynical ways-

But my doubt and anger will never sway.

I have more hope then you think I do-

And I know I also have more hurt then you.

You say you know all about cheaters and lies.

But obviously not, said with my sarcastic eyes.

 

People say I’m obsessed with you-

But that’s something I’d never do.

I know that love is still a part of me-

But the defeat I’m willing to except you’ll never see.

I’ll always be in love with him-

But you know like I do, I’ll never win.

You laugh at my frustrations and mistakes

But those are things I’m willing to make.

You say I’m filled with only blackness

But when it comes down to it, it’s not your business.

 

People say I’ll always be broken-

But we’ll never really know till the end.

People always ask why I keep myself protected-

But I just would never want to be rejected.

I know I’m bitter and rude, and possibly too mean,

But it’s the way I have to be after all the things I’ve seen.

I know there’s some good left inside of my broken heart-

Love, patience, faith and my desperation to believe are still a part.

People say I’m filled with hate-

But that’s something I’m willing to debate!
  "Tired of Thinking About You" November 12th, 2004 12: 56 a.m.

 

I'm so tired of thinking about you

You just don’t understand what I’m going through

 

Everything I see and everything I do

Just reminds me of bits and pisses of you

 

I look at the TV, the phone or at my bed

And the moments that past are again in my head

 

In the hopes time will pass me by, I close my eyes

But my dreams are of you and then I just want to die

 

But I never do, I continue living on each day

Trying not to call you to avoid the mean things you’ll say

 

I’m not sure if you’ll ever talk to me again

But you’ll be in my conversations every now and then

 

You’ll never wish for me to be truly happy or alive

But maybe I will be without you in my life—

 

I just get so tired of remembering you

And thinking of things we used to do

 

I’m going to stop thinking about you and the things I miss

Because you’re the one that made me go through this

 

By: Stephani Ruth Browning

 
  "I'm Sorry I Make Your Life So Difficult" December 10th, 2003 1: 55 a.m.

God damnit I miss you so much.

I remembered when I felt your touch...

 

Oddly enough I still cry about you-

Without you what am I supposed to do?

 

I long for you and wish you longed for me!

Us back together... is that in the future that you see?

 

I've been so mad at you for a long while,

That all changed though, when I saw you smile.

 

Fucking A, T.J., why won't you come back?

Did I do it? Was it something that I lack?

 

I hate the way you look at me with those eyes-

I get so happy to see them, I want to cry...

 

Then they way you nuzzle my nose...

I can't bare it, so my eyes I keep closed.

 

The touch of your hands inclosed in mine,

Oh, I haven't felt that in quite some time.

 

After I saw you, I realized something I need to say,

And it's so hard when it's been over 180 days...

 

I'll look into your eyes, and our hands will touch,

And I'll gently say: I love you so very much!

 

Thats what I've needed to tell you, lately.

And I wish the same feelings, you felt for me.

 

I miss you, and I wouldn't take an extra glance

If you'd just come back and give me a second chance.

 

By: Stephani Ruth Browning

 
  "Damn Dumb Dog" Around Dec 03

I am so frustrated with all of this

I seriously just don't give a shit

 

I'm annoyed with everyone and everything

I just want to talk with out mentioning a ring...

 

I want to handle our break up with grace and dignity-

Oh wait... I can't because you're the one that left me.

 

I wish I could just move away and start over-

But when ever I try, I hear you saying "I love her"

 

God, What do you think when you see me crying?

How much does it hurt you, when you see me dying?

 

I am seriously so mad and sad about you-

You make me crazy with the things you do...

 

"Think twice before you touch my girl" I hear playing

That was something I always heard you saying...

 

Oh boy. I'm laughing right now, about yesterday...

But, I promise.... not a single word I will say :)

 

I bet one day you'll miss me, like I do you-

And I stupidly hope one day you'll love me too.

 

Well, damnit I'm so frustrated with all of this

And to be quite frank this is the shit I don't miss!!

 

And you know, T.J., I'm annoyed with you!!

And, Hey... I "hate" everything about you too.

 


~since you been gone~